in limbo, in purgatory

i had the opportunity to be home this past weekend. it was beautiful. i was able to see a handful of friends that i keep close to my heart. i was able to spend time with my family which was filled with laughter and hugs. even so, it isn't the same as when i lived there, and it never will be the same again. this is what i must remember.

for the first year of living in dallas, i was convinced that i needed to move back to minneapolis. i was very sad here, i had a hard time making friends and meeting new people. i had to travel a lot for work, which made my homelife very disconnected and sporatic. it was a very hard year. i moved here totally by myself, leaving everything that was familiar and comfortable to me. but i did it, and i am glad now that i did.

but now what?

i don't like the job i am in. the job was the reason i moved to dallas. through experiences i have had here, and in the past, it has become clear to me that i want to move into social work for a career. i must go back to school to get my masters in order to advance in that field.

now faced with another set of choices for schools. do i stay in dallas? it would make financial sense to do that, since i am now a resident of texas and it will be cheaper to go to school here. do i go back to minneapolis? perhaps, since i wanted to be back so badly for the past year.

but why?

i felt as though i was missing out on whatever was happening in minneapolis, although i can guarantee that nothing terribly special was going on without me. but there is a lot to say about being close to family, at least for me it is important. but we are all fully capable of catching a plane to go here or there to see eachother. and when i lived in minneapolis, i wasn't exactly running home to see my parents every weekend, i would sometimes go a month or two between seeing them in person.

so then what?

i suppose i will apply to schools both in dallas and minneapolis and see where i am accepted and decide at that point. i don't have to make any decisions today, it is all just running around in my brain so i must put it out into the infinite abyss.

to be continued....